So I'm up late trying to fall asleep and because I'm doing nothing but staring at my pillow or at my ceiling. Soon I start thinking of various things like Ideas for sacred warriors, art, My zelda fan fiction and so on when my mind settles on one thing... Relationships. Relationships like Boyfriend and Girlfriend relationships. Why is it that all my friends are in a relationship of some kind except me? And why is it that most of them are long distance? Something that I'm trying to avoid.

It is true that I decided not to have a girlfriend until I graduate high school but still I didn't make that decision till about a week ago. I am just puzzled as to why i didn't get into one before then. According to most philosophies There is someone out there for everyone and yet I haven't even seen one sign that there is someone out there for me. The girls in my school that like me are not quite my type Most of them like me just because I have a good singing voice or because I'm apparently "cute". (honestly I don't understand why girls think that because I don't think I'm cute in the slightest) I want somebody that likes me for my interests and personality not because I have a good singing voice or im cute.

I've also wondered why crap must happen to me specifically all the time. I get a potential girlfriend and then it turns out there a stalker or that there cheaters. My luck with relationships must suck. Now at this point you're probably thinking that I need a higher self esteem. But hears the thing, Whenever my self esteem goes up shit happens just to bring it back down. Or i get cocky and jinx it.

Everytime My friends talk about their Relationships I tease them about it as friends do. And i try not to let it get too mean. Now they are pissing me off cause they keep saying stuff like "The more you deny it the more likely its going to happen" (I'm of course talking about long distance relationships) And that just depresses me because of how true it is knowing my luck.


*sigh* sorry to present you guys with yet ANOTHER bummer journal entry but I had to get this off my chest. I mean you guys don't need to know about my problems do you?

anyway sorry again.