Darkwolfthelycan

Ghosting... Yes, I am very much aware I've been doing this to EVERYONE! And it saddens me deeply. I loved using this sight! And talking with everyone! I really did. But alas, it seems my soul is dying with my job so my creative drive has been a bit lackluster. When I draw nowadays it's few and far between. In the last two years I think I've only drawn like... ten things, and of those ten things only about four of them have actually been completed. So if any of you are still with me I thank you for that.

Good news is! I am definitely TRYING to push myself to draw more once again. Even have a WIP going right now! Bad news is... I'm unsure how reliable I'll be anymore.

I'll also be sifting through my profile some when I get home later today and update quite a lot of shiz. Thank you for your understanding guys! And have a good day or night wherever you may be.

Popped back on and decided to look through all the deviations I've missed sense I've been gone... and damn. I must say SO MANY of you have improved SO MUCH! Agghhh! I wan't to commission all of you to do some stuff for me but I don't have any money XD

I need to get back into the swing of things... practice everyday in-between work hours. But right now I'm still struggling to find the motivation. And I have a feeling that that's partially due to lack of consistency and/or confidence. Perhaps you guys can help?

I would love suggestions on what to draw! I really would! Anything and everything. I don't even care if it's somewhat lewd XD, as long as it gets me to re-learn a lot of my base fundamentals, and improve c: 

Love you guys! Have a good day

So um... how to explain my sudden reappearance after you know... dissapearing for months on end.

Well, drama and shiz happened. Also, I wound up moving, and for the longest time. I wasn't able to operate my scanner... like at all. I just didn't have the components I needed.

It really all started with the move to be honest. We completely changed zip codes and locations, and we wound up settling in a part of town I had never seen before. But, with the move came a complete change of lifestyle. Had to find a new job, a new car, new friends, and a new way of thinking. It was... stressful to say the least. With all the changes in my life came a change of attitude, and a decent into depression. I lost all passion for the things I once loved to do and just kinda... survived off work. I wasn't really living anymore. Why would I? I worked a dead end job and I couldn't afford shit due to my new bills... what would I live for? Long story short, my mental state ruined a lot of my friendships and changed the way others precieved me. That obviously didn't help. So, with all this... Yeah, I can safely say I went inactive. I ghosted and didn't provide you guys with an explanation. So, I'm sorry for that. Don't worry about me though, I'm seeing a psychologist and I am -sloowwwly- pulling myself out of this rut.

But anyways. I'm happy to be back . I just hope I can stay active. I even have a picture drawn and ready to show to you guys... as simple as it is. c: I hope you all have a good day!

... So, yeah...

I haven't been online cause I've been kind of... Roleplaying... non stop... I haven't drawn in over a month...

... WoW has taken over my life! AGGGHHH!!! SEND HELP! XD

Oh well, how have all you beautiful people been?

    "World of Warcraft" for those of you who don't know the acronym.

    But yeah. I always did enjoy it when I played it, even though some jerk wads wouldn't let me join raids because of my gear. But... yeah.

    If you don't know the somewhat sad story as to why I quit playing previously, well, I'll tell it to you know if your curious.

    So, my history with WoW has always been rather odd. I initially started playing it back in 6th grade. Now, if you don't already know. My 6th grade life was... absolutely horrible. My family (unknowingly) moved into a gang infested neighborhood; who's population was primarily made up of Hispanics and African Americans.

    Now, before you start ranting in the comments. No, I'm not racist. Not at all. You treat me with respect, I will do the same to you. If not, then... well, I wont. It doesn't matter if your colored, white. Rich, poor. Young, old. It's really the only thing I'm black and white (metaphorically) about. I am also not saying that all African Americans, or Hispanics are gang members either. The ones in that neighborhood just were.

    Being the only white family around, you can bet we stood out. And... the thing about humans. We are often genetically predisposed to pick on the minority. Especially when the minority has no chance of fighting back. I would explain why that is, but that will bring us off topic. Just know, that by the time you're mature enough to realize the error in your ways, you tend to oppress that genetic need.

    So, we were the only white family in a gang infested neighborhood. That made me the only white student to attend... that dreaded place, "East Middle School." I really had nothing. I was this scrawny little kid who was afraid of everything and everyone bigger than I. And that was... well, lets just say, inconvenient. Because of it, I didn't talk to anyone. And that only made me stand out more. The only thing I had, was intelligence. At the beginning of the year, I was an honor student. A "know-it-all" (a label everyone gave me.) by happenstance. And, with that, well... that only made people get angry at my very existence.

    What wound up happening was that I was getting harassed left and right. It first started as simple name calling, but then it turned into labeling, and soon after, physical violence. I would have my locker slammed on my head, my face shoved to the ground, and myself literally pushed around. I tried telling the principal, the school counselor, the dean... but they did absolutely nothing about it. So there I was. A scrawny kid who wouldn't fight back because he was afraid. Afraid to speak his mind. Afraid to start a fight. Afraid to even talk. And when It turned to people threatening death upon me... well, that's when I seriously considered suicide. I almost did it too. I pointed a steak knife directly at my heart. I never went through with it... obviously, sense I'm still hear almost 9 years later.

    My only escape from that horrible life... was a game. A game my parents showed to me. World of Warcraft. An online game where I could hide my face behind a digital persona. Talk to people, interact with people, without fear of oppression due to my race. Almost everyone I met there was nice, and I loved it. I could even pass as a teenager at that time, as I have always been mature for my age. And, I think, for a good solid three years I played it constantly. I met people. Joined guilds. Got a character up to almost max level. A lot can happen in three years. But then... that all came to an end. My family hit some rough times, and we fell into a financial hole. We had to give up WoW just to help pay for other bills.

    I was sad to see it go, but at that time, my 8th grade year I think, I had moved to a completely different school. A better one where I was respected by everyone. So, It wasn't a horrible loss to me. Oh well. I found a new outlet anyway. Xbox Live. It just never completely filled the hole WoW had in my heart... as cheesy as it sounds.

    I would never see WoW again for the next two years... but then, something happened. I didn't have a job at the time... but I did realize how much My allowence was actually paying me... and I must say, within a month, I could make a whole 50 DOLLARS! ... Pathetic, I know... but it was enough to allow me to play WoW again. My junior and senior year of high school I decided that I was going to start paying the $15 a month. And I must say, it was the happiest time of my high school life. I made several new friends, had fun goofing off in guilds, and I even met a girl. I knew she was single... but (even online) I was still too shy to ask her out. I didn't care if it was a long distance relationship or not, I was just too shy. (today I still am to some degree)

    It took me months to build up the courage, but I finally did. I was going to ask her. But... well, here's where it gets a bit sad. I popped online and waited all day for her to do the same. Unfortunately she never did. So, I just dismissed it as "well, she was probably just busy today." So, I finished my last dungeon, and shut it down. I came on the Next day, still, she never came on. Now I was beginning to worry... but I felt like I may have been too irrational to think something had happened, and again dismissed it as "Maybe she was just busy again?"

   Next day... I popped on, hoping and praying that I would see her online again. But she never did. However, one of her friends did. I asked her: "Hey, do you know what happened to Cloie? I haven't seen her online recently." (Yes, Cloie was her name.) and her friend, well... it was bad news.

    "Did you not hear? Cloie's been grounded from playing WoW, for life."

    I was like: "WHAT!? WHY!?"

    "Her mom caught her role-playing on Facebook late at night..."

    "Okay... I can understand the late at night reason... but what constituted a life sentence?"

    "... It was a sexual Roleplay... and her mom is a bit of a conservative..."

    ...I was dumbfounded. My heart sunk, and I felt the weight of sadness slowly fill in my soul. Was I never going to see her again? No, I was determined to find her. I remembered her last name, and that she had a Facebook, so I did a very in depth search there. And I didn't find anything. None of the girls named "Cloie Crawford" on the searched looked liked the one I had video chated with once before. I checked skype... apparently her account there was deactivated... so, the reality slowly began to sink in. I was, indeed, never going to see her again.

    I played WoW for a good month afterwards... but it just wasn't the same. Not without Cloie. The game slowly became drole and boring for me. The players around me seemed more toxic, angry. Hateful. Apparently my gear wasn't good enough to do the things I still had some enjoyment doing. And every opposing faction member began to target me. Because I'm a weak minority. I died constantly, and after that... I decided that unsubscribing to the game was the best option. Why spend money on a game you no longer enjoy right?

    

    That's my somewhat sad story as to why I quit WoW... now lets get to the reasoning behind me wanting to start playing again.

    Well, almost a year later, I feel I have finally moved on from Chloe. And, I know ways to transfer realms so that I'm no longer stuck in a world wide PvP hell hole. It's also starting to pick up momentum with a lot of my favorite YouTubers as well. At least, on their twitter it is. So, I've decided that I should maybe give it another go. Regain a part of myself that I lost. Perhaps a fresh start their is what I need. Not to mention... the new expansion looks incredibly fun... AND YOU GET HOUSES NOW! CUSTOMIZEABLE HOUSES! ...er... at least I think you do XD.

    So anyway. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. Have a good day or night wherever you may be.